Ballpoint pen & 22K Gold Leaf Applique on Moleskine paper
- Never go alone- bring a partner. Travel in pairs
- Before entering, ensure that someone not entering knows you are going in, and when you expect to be out
- Before entering, determine the cause of your mission- your mission objective. Bookcase? Couch? Oven? Meatballs? Figure it out
- Upon entering, locate The Path
- Do not disengage from The Path until you have reached your mission destination. Many have been lost forever to the wilds of IKEA by not obeying this. Very few are ever located again by the sparse store employees.
- Upon reaching your mission destination, you may disengage from The Path ONLY when accompanied by your partner (physical contact should be maintained- ie, holding hands, holding shirt sleeve, both holding an end of a rope, etc)
- When you disengage from The Path to acquire the data for your mission objective (ie, the item number for the bookcase, couch, meatballs, etc), it becomes your partner’s responsibility to maintain visual contact with The Path. Much like weeping angel statues, The Path will move if not actively being watched. This will strand you and your partner in the wilds of IKEA, so ensure you choose a partner wisely.
- Upon acquiring the mission objective data (ie the item number), navigate back to The Path. You may disengage physical contact with your partner once you have safely returned to The Path
- Do not leave The Path again. It will naturally end at the warehouse/stock section. This is a long, huge hall with many branches.
- At the entrance of the warehouse section, acquire a cart if necessary. Using your item coordinates, locate your mission objective. Do not leave the main hallway except for the branch where your item is located. Like The Path, the wilds of IKEA sometimes sneak up on travelers that wander the warehouse section
- Once your item has been loaded, head to the check out section. Do not touch anything in the boxes along the way. They appear to be full of candles or stuffed animals or useful kitchenware; it is a ruse. They are carnivorous.
- After checking out, exit to the loading area. Load your item, and leave.
- Do not look in your rearview mirror as you leave. It shouldn’t pursue you if you don’t look back.
is this nightvale’s ikea what the hell
i made an aesthetic generator now you can discover urself
it’s friday! hug stuff
VIKING KITTAHS THAT’S PERFECT
so here we are again, it’s always such a pleasure—
The Caribbean roughshark (Oxynotus caribbaeus) lives in the Caribbean. It’s less than two feet long, lives at depths of greater than 1,000 feet, and looks a bit like a pig from various angles. It probably feeds on invertebrates, but we’re hard-pressed to say for sure because seriously, more than a thousand feet down. These pictures were taken by fucking submarines, guys.
They’re also ovoviviparous, which is an end-run around not being able to grow a placenta. They keep their eggs in their little stubby shark bodies until they’re ready to hatch, at which point the pups are birthed and sent off to roam.
A triangular shark? What?
Though I guess that might help for scooting along the bottom…
And, in today’s edition of “…evolution, why…”
SO apparently I found the sketchbook the re-worked mantis shrimp horses were drawn in. They don’t look much different to the original, sadly.
Have some doodles, though.
Fashion! Put It All on Me ➝ Gemy Maalouf Bridal Wear s/s 2014
Dress by www.chotronette.com
But first, let me take a sealfie. [x]
The majestic order Cephalopoda:
Octopus: Give them a jar of peanut butter, and they will open it faster than you can. And you’ve been opening peanut butter jars for twenty years.
Squid: Can be small and adorable, but also large enough to take out a sperm whale. A SPERM WHALE.
Cuttlefish: User of the most complex language of communication in the animal kingdom, besides humans.
AND THEN THERE’S THE NAUTILUS